she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
so let's talk penis.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
