Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
