A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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