hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
