we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
