I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Randomize
