There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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