I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
