well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
