If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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