i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
