I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
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