So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
