i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
