Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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