HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
