is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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