Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
