I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
