You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i will never coherently bang her
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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