I met the friendliest cop last night
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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