and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
