My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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