let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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