i just wanna soil my oats bro
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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