I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
