remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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