I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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