My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
