Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Bring me that man meat
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
