Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
