have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
