How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
did i walk over a car last night?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
