it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
