Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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