I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
