Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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