It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
