I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
pray to the hookup gods
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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