In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
