I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
