what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
