GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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