things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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