Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
