Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
