So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
