Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
cat food counts as protein by the way
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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