Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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