I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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